Today I lost my mind and tweeted some #rejectedraplyrics. In case you missed them (and you should be grateful you did), here they are all in one place. If I come up with any more, I’ll amend this blog. But I doubt I will. I think the John Cena parody is my finale. Enjoy my lamesauceyness!
“I’m like a mix of Adonis and The Blue Meanie. A green olive, without the martini. I rock the streets in my pink bikini.
“My life, can’t be delt. So invisible, I can’t be felt. I’m in denial, just like @SmarkRage rockin a spinner belt.”
“0-1-2, buckle my shoe. 3-4-5, my rap lyrics are jive. 6-7-8, this is my fate. 9-10, I dropped the soap in jail again.”
“I’m like a song, that’s sung a cappella. So refreshing, they call me Mellow Yella. So damn white, like Sheamus, fella.”
“Times are tough, so I offer this track. Life is manic, and that’s a fact. I feel like Howdy Doody high on crack.”
“I’m empty, like an ATM without cash. I’m like Crush, without Ax or Smash. Feeling so lame like a 70s porno mustache.”
“A very strange mood is what I’m in today. Like Orlando Jordan, but not as gay. Like a hooker, who receives no pay.”
“I’m a zero today, there’s no above. I just don’t fit, like OJ’s glove. I wish I was popular, like a free QuickChek sub.”
“It’ll come to an end, the day I die. No escape, I don’t drink or get high. My ego’s deflated, like muscles on Superfly.”
“Chicks dig my tweets. I’d like to invite you all under my sheets. In reality, I’m less of a gigolo than Samuel Screech.”
“Like Dr. Phil, I have no hair. So tired today, forgot my underwear. Life’s tough, get used to it, it’s just not fair.”
“Like a blockhead, I’m Charlie Brown. My life’s a spinnin wheel, going round & round. I’m like Dink, w/o Doink The Clown.”
“Joey Image is Your Italian Hero, cooler than most. But don’t hate cuz chicks dig my raps more than your Big Cock posts.”
“Too tired to care, too tired to fight. Lower than Swoggle, ain’t got no height. Like Warrior’s self-destruction, that’s my plight.
And finally: (sung to the beat of @JohnCena’s “Bad, Bad Man”.) “Your boy’s a lame guy, ain’t got no class. I’m so weak, I can’t even kick my own ass. Lost all my followers, now I’m tweetin’ alone. So hip to be square I gotta rotary cell phone. You cringe in disgust when I rap. A midget Figure-4’d me cuz I was talkin’ smack. I try to shoot it straight, but I hit to the left. At the bank to deposit cash, I got arrested for theft. If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have none at all. Got hired to be a cop, they failed to mention it was at a mall. Sniffin’ Sharpies, I get a contact high. That’s the story of my life, I’m a lame, lame guy.”